4. Open Relationships: "would you let your partner date someone else?"

This week, we’re ripping up the monogamy playbook and getting deliciously honest about polyamory, open relationships and the thrill of possibly letting your partner walk into someone else's arms.

But is it all effortless freedom? Diving face-first into the world of non-monogamy. How do you handle the burning sting of jealousy when your partner walks out the door for a date? What happens when "sharing" triggers your deepest insecurities? And can you truly split your heart without tearing your relationship apart?

Drop your juiciest questions, deepest secrets and wildest stories to lesbianspicepodcast@gmail.com - stay completely anonymous, or say it with your whole chest if you dare.

We’re picking the best ones to expose in next week's episode, so don't leave us waiting 😈

Join the GAYY family right now - hit that like button, subscribe, and start feeding us your deepest secrets. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

I'm not opening my legs for anyone else. Are you? I don't think I could watch you of anyone else. No, I think I'd actually pass away. Deceased. Completely laid out, but not legs out. Yeah. Not legs about that. Nice. It's not it.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Well, if you haven't gathered from this one, this episode is about freesoms. And if frees a crowd. Frees a crowd. Open relationships.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Everything to do with not actually being with your partner, basically.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Every word that has ogamy on the end. That seems to be a thing.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

All the ogmies, but we prefer just orgies. Orgasms. Not orgies, because that's a few, isn't it, actually? Excuse me. But there's quite a lot of relationships, I think, actually do this.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

It's more common than I think we realised.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Do you think they keep it spicy? Like you think that's what people tend to do at certain points of their relationship?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

I don't know, because I we've watched a few lesbians ourselves. I mean, not physically. No, not in the flesh, no. Watched or listened to a few lesbians and it seems from very early on they've already opened up.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Yeah, so I from my perspective, if you have committed to that person, then that person's for life.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Well well, naturally, yeah. I don't know if that's how do you have that conversation?

SPEAKER_01 1:24

I don't fucking know. Sorry, babe. You know, your pussy is uh absolutely amazing, but kind of just want to see what else is out there. Yeah. For me, I just generally don't understand it, and love is love, and if you want to give all your love, then that's fine. But I do think that it needs to be in a closed environment. I think it's a two-way street. It's not, you know, we're not going around fucking U-Benz and Well, we watched that open house. We did, guys. There's a there's a program uh called Open House, and it is an experience to say the least. But I was hooked.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Well, we were fucking we were very hooked, and it's in long story short, it's basically couples that want to open up their relationship. They could be straight, gay, doesn't matter. Yeah, but they have these residents which they can then experience.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

They all got something they want to experience, but maybe the other person doesn't. So, you know, there was a a prime example, there was a couple on there that the guy wanted to bring a another girl into the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

So obviously that then puts pressure on the girl because obviously they're in a heterosexual relationship. So she's very clear on what she wants, yeah. But then because the man's got a desire for another woman, yeah, then he wants to bring another girl in. So they all put you in this comfortable setting, I'd say, with other people from our community that are are in there acting as kind of like people to help you explore, yeah, train professionals in that sort of area that help people branch out into these different avenues. And it was an eye-opener, don't get me wrong. But did I feel at the end of it that I would want to do that? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

No, by the end of like what was it, season three or four or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

I became insecure.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Yeah, I I was very much like, if you ever come up with that conversation, like don't worry, it's never gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Like you've got me, and you know, we're wrapped up here.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

But what was really interesting is some of the episodes went the way that we thought. Kind of anticipated, yeah. You know, like they didn't end up doing it, or oh yeah, we've seen it, whatever. There was some of them that the person that they've brought in that had the insecurity ended up being the person they were fucking riding that shit. Yeah, and then it was that it was that person that then went, Oh yeah, I want to open up, and it was the other person that was really into it at first, then go, oh, I kind of don't want to show you.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Complete flip of the of the screen.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Then what happens then?

SPEAKER_01 4:03

I think once, especially in the terms of going into something like an actual TV show, like that's fucking wild, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Yeah, I think if anything, you'd have to try this off-camera.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

You'd have to try and open up. There's so many things again, going back to the online phase, like so many things online now that are for that. They want to introduce somebody else. So to go on national television, because that's what you're basically doing, and it's very visual when they go and do these experiments as well. Yeah, we're not fucking stupid as well, we know exactly what's fucking happening. But you're you're seeing like gates open.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Yeah. Like a whole shitload was going on, and I just think it was really, really interesting because all right, we watched it, we confirmed that we did not want to ever go down that line. No, but what if people did watch it and were let's say you were curious, or you've never really like spoke about your sexuality, and you've watched a programme like that going, hmm, okay, or you were another couple that were very fixed on not doing it. Turns out by the end of season four, you were like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Let's go where we can. Next sauce, yeah. It is, I think, like you said, you have to do it kind of in your own environment, I think in your own time, like away from that sort of thing. But I I generally wouldn't know, would that be a deal breaker for you? Because I think it would be me.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

What is?

SPEAKER_01 5:34

I think you'd if that's someone doesn't want all of me. Oh, I could know, I couldn't share you.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

I could I'm sorry, but and also with the person in the room as well. Because what if, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Oh god, here we go.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

What if they like licked you out better?

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah, there'd be a problem, wouldn't there?

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Because then you're right how are you stopping the attachment issue there? I don't know, so they fuck off, right? They leave your house, whatever, or wherever you meet up, and then all you're doing is longing for that because your partner's definitely not fucking hitting the right spot.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Yeah, and you're just waiting for that person. I think there was there was a part of that programme, going back to that quickly, that the guy was like, Oh, but the woman was like, Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Especially when that it was like woman on woman, yeah, and anyway. But then was like, very insecure.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

I don't think I can do this because the girls were getting it on, like up the girls, love that for you. Get that fucking pussy queen, and he I think he felt very dismasculated. I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Oh, I I think you would be though, and I just don't know how anyone could approach that situation. I mean, please, if you're listening, tell us like have you had this scenario before? I am gonna reflect on a story. Oh, go on, I'm intrigued. Because we said freesom's, this was actually technically a foursome. Excuse me? Not with me. Fuck me. Just as a friend, right? And I don't know if people tell you stories of what happened to maybe entice your reaction or Tess Waters, wasn't it? Tess Waters or whatever. But some friends had told me about a foursome that they had in the same room and then they swapped over.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

As in like swapped partners, yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

So they both had a go.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Fucking hell on the two women.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

So I don't, I don't quite understand.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Hear me out, right? If this if this was to ever happen and we found ourselves in this situation, like thank fuck it's never gonna happen. I would be looking at you like, is she making different faces to what she makes with me? Is she you know feels like I would be so insecure, I'd probably cry. I'd probably be that person in the corner going, okay, get the fuck off my woman, I want her back. Yeah, I think it would really make me self-doubt a lot.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Yeah, I don't know. I've I've really but it's so common.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

It happens more than what we think, and I think we need to understand that. And I don't know what it's like in um the gay men community, I don't know kind of how that works. Um, but fair play to you if you can you actually have that emotional detachment because I'm in part from past relationships when I'm in, I'm in. Yeah, like I think obviously I can probably speak for a lot of people, but I will never have a wandering eye. Like, if I'm with that person, I am with you. And I would never look and go, Oh, you're right. What are you saying? Yeah, no, I wouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah, no, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

But then for people that maybe just casually date, because there's some people that don't want to hold down a relationship, they don't want a commitment of it.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

So is it a case of you have someone that you have the friends with benefits labeled with, and then you bring someone else into the mix as well? Because then theoretically speaking, you're not really letting anyone down, you're only you're only getting it up. Let's let's be honest.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Let's be fucking fair. There's also situations where in in the gay community that they're in a very committed relationship, live together, whatever. But they're open to I don't think go all avenues with other women, but to kiss other women. Yeah. Again, I'm just I'm not really Yeah Are we dinosaurs?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

I don't know. I don't From what we get, I I think what you get from this guy's obviously we have found out that we have a lot of people from different countries listening to us, which is amazing. It's like a pinch me moment to think we're only this early on into this first season, and we've had people from Australia, people from America, even Japan. Like we have literally hit countries that we'd never think in our wildest dreams, but it just proves how strong our community is. Oh, yeah. So finger clap to all you absolute fucking queers, love you all, and I think that it would be different in different do you think it's a is a country thing as well? Do you think uh in different countries or cultures it's probably a bit different?

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Probably, yeah, I yeah, I would agree with you, but I don't know. I think I think the it's the society around it. So when you're being told that that is normal, kind of normal, and I do find it more apparent within the gay community that you know open relationships are more accepted, I'd say that was a fucking word. Um I knew uh uh two gay guys, right? And we were I don't remember where we were, we were sat in a room and whatever, just chilling, and he was he was married, yeah, and I knew both of them, so they were married together, right? But they didn't live together, yeah. So obviously dynamics are different, aren't they? No, so that this is me thinking, oh okay, maybe you know, saving up, or they haven't really quite worked out where they want to live. What the plan is, you know, being quite naive, I was still in that straight era, you know. Yeah, it turns out so it turns out they're returning to different homes, but they've both got a partner each.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

See, that is just fucked.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

How the fuck does that work? But you are technically married to that person, yeah, but they're going back to their home and living a normal sort of family life with a completely different person, but they're both o okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Listen, if I think it suits, then fine, do your thing. But from an outside point of view and my kind of internal rights and wrongs, yeah, my my ethics, right? I I would absolutely fucking hate it.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Goes back to the thing, is like when I'm in, I'm like two feet in, I'm like four fist in. Do you know what I mean? Like it's it's it's no like couple of fingers at this point, like you've got me.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Also, is it because of how we were brought up? I think it plays a big part. Because when you see it, you know, it's like that one person's like my love and oh, you know, do anything.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Yeah, sorry to cut you off, but you know, when you think when you look at relationships from back in the day, let's say, Mum and Dad were together forever. There wasn't external people or women or whatever, and if it did happen like that, it was a case of oh, your mum's cheating or your dad's cheating, cut off, divorced, done. Yeah, there was no like But now it's like oh they're gonna go and see the other woman.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

And I feel like swinging, like back in the day, like if you heard the term swinging, it was like oh, oh shit. Like this is like some secret underc underground club that happens, you know, they all get dressed up in some weird fucking shit. Yeah, but it was really, really like kept under wraps. And if you found out someone was swinging, it was like, oh my god, what the fuck? Like, but nowadays it's like alright, okay, yeah, like that's good. Who's today? Who's on Thursday?

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Oh listen, I haven't got the actual human calendar. Who's got time for that? No, and this is the thing as well, you've got the other part of this where it's commitment.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Commitment, yeah, and then I think what you touched upon earlier is attachment. Yeah, I because lesbians are already so fucking balls deep from the get-go. We're getting married, yeah. Within two weeks, you know basically everything about that person. Two weeks is basically six months, and then a month is ten months, and that's how Lesbians are drift, yeah. Yeah, so you can imagine on a lesbian time scale and the attachment, I just don't see it. It's like dog years, isn't it? That's exactly what it is, dog years, but the attachment side of it, because you're so balls deep from the get-go, how do you not get balls deep with the other person that you've introduced?

SPEAKER_01 14:44

And I think this is where the pendulum might sway a little bit because like you've said, you're with that person, you've gone into this experiment with that person, but then you see a flavour of somebody else, and you're more intrigued by that person, and then that becomes something. So I find it very difficult, and I think I've said that about 400 times during this set, but I it's one of them ones I can't get my head around, and I'm very open to willing to learn and understand, like yeah, guys. Please don't think we're slate in the world.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

No, we're not saying we just we just don't resonate with it, we don't understand it. It's not something we would do, no, uh, because we're committed to only us, yeah. But um, there was another thing we watched actually, blue therapy.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Blue therapy, guys, was great. It's actually on Netflix. Um, watch that if you can. And it was about couples going into again therapy. I don't know why we watch these programs, you know, because we have no problems in our relationship.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

No, we absolutely don't.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

We like seeing people.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

I think because we we communicate very well. We actually watch them and go, why are you not saying that to your partner? Yeah, because for us it's just second guessing. Yeah, we laugh at it, like, why would you not do that? Like watching a fucking horror film. Yeah. Why are you going in there? It's like us. But I'm going in there anyway, but but there was a specific couple on there that were a gay couple. Yeah. And she had turned this girl uh from straight to lesbian to her, but then actively went out to the clubs.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

For still being that being that fuck girl mentality.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Fuck girl mentality to then pull more straight birds and leave her missus at home. Now, this is where it gets toxic.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

She got off the fact, didn't she, of of that she still had it in her that she could still pull. Yeah. And I'm gonna say this right now. I do not get the the craze with turning a straight woman. I do not get it. I don't because you can pull anyone, like you do you, boo. Like anyone can find anyone attractive. If they then become to be straight in the first place, and then that's happened, then fair okay. Well, but to actively seek it is quite but to go, I'm gonna pull straight bird tonight. That is just fuck it mentality because that is not someone I would want to be around in my circle because it's a very hard time, like we both know about coming out, how hard it is to be accepted from your family, from even your friends. You might even lose people on the way through. Like it's almost like a mockery.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Of course, like it's it's taken that person a lot to it's straight shaming, yeah. It's probably taken them like for me instance, you know, 30 odd years to then go, oh okay, now I'm with a woman, but then you're making a mockery of it by then you know, I don't know, taking the innocence out of it. I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Yeah, you're going full hog and that's been that's your main objective almost. But if you are in an open relationship, please let us know.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Yeah, like tell us, it does it work, is there ways around it? We're not experimenting, please.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Is there ways around it that you've managed with your partner to I don't know, explore? You know, we talk about you know putting sex toys in the bedroom to create intimacy and to enhance, you know, uh whichever. But is this a way of enhancing their relationship? Does it does it bring you closer?

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah, does it does it does it just give you a little uh is there positives? Yeah, I think that's what we want to know. We want to know if there is a positive to it, or have you tried it and and you have actively gone and experiment like experiments of this, but then it's not been for you. I we are really intrigued because like I am a nosy fucker.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Yeah, and maybe we've been naive because we've watched probably the negative side of it.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Because I think this comes from a case that we've seen it and it's never worked out, yeah, and we've not known anyone firsthand, really, of kind of going into this with open eyes and going, you know what, it was actually alright, or it actually grew the original partnership stronger.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Yeah, and remember your stories could help someone else in a time of crisis. So maybe they've been trying to get their partner to do it, and there was they'll try to explain themselves, but it wasn't really feasible, it wasn't adding up, and yeah, you know, it every bit of help to the community.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Of course, like we're here to help each other and we're here to share experiences, and obviously you're here with us every week. Um, thank you for being here. But we will we will address these topics, and again, people might want now sorry, I'm having a stroke, might not want to talk about it, but that's that's that's the love of this. That's the reason why we are doing what we're doing. So why only talk about the you know basic level? Yeah, we're not scratching that, we're going balls deep, like you know, however that looks for you. But it'd be really interesting to see experiences because you touched on this before earlier. You could be at that stage in your life where you are questioning your sexuality, yeah. Because this does get brought on by you seeing other, you know, LGBTQ plus, you know, people around in the street, you see them again on social media, you see them through TV, and you might go, oh like you've said, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Maybe it's a way to experiment.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

It's a way in.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

It could well be.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

So please tell us, because we are just at loggerheads.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

We are, but it I think it's a topic that again needs to be spoken about, and we've enjoyed talking about it. No, we do, we love it. But there's so much out there in a sense of learning aids, I feel. About picture cards out. Because it wasn't like that back in the day. No, it wasn't, and you and now when it comes to sex education in schools, I remember having one lesson and and I thought, fuck me, he's gonna whack the condom out. That happened. You got the condom out, yeah, and and instantly got the ick. But nothing was said about our community surface level, yeah. They never scratched onto anything that what is to come, and now how accepted we are. Yeah, yes, we get the shit, but we are all so strong. I think people that are in our community and are flying our flag.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

So proud of every single one of you fuckers, because it is a massive thing to overcome, and you've done it, and I can tell you for one, the weight lift that you feel is fucking crazy. And you just feel brighter, and you're you, you are the best version of you.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

I feel like you you get to that point where nothing ever phases you, nothing can touch you. Yeah, you've done like the hardest part.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

When you've done that, man a hundred percent. So you can take on the world.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

That we'll leave the viewers with that.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Please remember, guys, to please subscribe to the channels, like, follow, and share. We you don't realise how much it helps us and it helps us get out there to touch more people's lives.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Touching, yes, we're touching.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

We touch a lot, just to tap into people's lives and make them feel comfortable and and give them the space to feel that they can progress into into their life and be strong with it. So and I just want to reiterate we do not edit our videos.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

We don't, we do not. You will get this is just us talking. So please, we babble and uh it's just so easy. So literally join the family.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Join the family, get involved, write a load of shit to us because we speak shit as well. So we love it, we love it.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Uh so on that note, uh, we'll uh leave the uh open relationships to Lamberton.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

To other people. Take care, guys.