7. Workplace Struggles: The Reality of being Queer at Work

Is 'being gay' tolerated in the workplace or ACTUALLY accepted? Are they inclusive, or are they just slapping a rainbow logo on the company website every June...

In this episode, we strip away the corporate BS to look at the raw, unfiltered reality of being queer at work - from navigating casual microaggressions, the DAILY passive aggressive tone to everyday awkwardness, we are calling out the all the nonsense that LGBTQ+ employees still face in the ‘professional’ world.

Drop your juiciest questions, deepest secrets and wildest stories to lesbianspicepodcast@gmail.com - stay completely anonymous, or say it with your whole chest if you dare.

We’re picking the best ones to expose in next week's episode, so don't leave us waiting 😈

Join the GAYY family right now - hit that like button, subscribe, and start feeding us your deepest secrets. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Men are just fucking everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Men and some women.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

But I think the higher up the ranks they go, they become more of an absolute cunt.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Yeah, and so basically we're talking about queers in a workplace.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Yeah. And I can't wait to dive into this because we are both from kind of like male-dominated fields, I think.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Yeah, I'd say that.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

So with me, it's hard because without obviously saying my job out loud, you go in and you're kind of mixed in a sense of like there's ranks. So when you're kind of at the lower level, lower level of the pack, you've kind of got some people your age, you've kind of got like a generation that's a bit older than you, and then you've got a good mixed bag. Yeah, you really have like different walks of life. I've had so many like really nice conversations with people.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

But I found when I was going up the ranks. Yeah, going up the ranks, it's become more male-dominated.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

And me and my sexuality, I think work was the last place I'd come out.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Is it?

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

I can no, but I can see that's difficult though.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah, I think the way I actually had come out at work, let's say, we were sat in a staff meeting, and this one girl kept saying to me, Are you a lesbian? She was like obsessed with the fact that she thought I was a lesbian. And I was like, No, like what are you talking about? I fucking was. Like I was in a relationship. Yeah, but you feel like you have to hide it. Yeah, like you hear everything when everyone thinks you're straight.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

I feel.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Yeah. Because everyone thinks that you're relatable while you're in like a heterosexual relationship. No love. Like I'm on the pussy patrol wagon. I ain't steering off.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

No, I've I've had my fair share. And that's such a good point that you make because there had there has been times where I've been in jobs and I've wanted to come out, but like the conversation is just like, uh no, like we'll fucking leave that. Why is it all the time that I think when you do start a job as well?

SPEAKER_01 2:08

I'd always associate my significant other as being my partner. I wouldn't go out there and go, I'm my girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Yeah, I always say partner.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Yeah. I say when I was straight. That is is that what society thinks that we need to do again? Is that because people are just thinking, oh, I don't want to go girlfriend straight away because then people's walls go up. You then kind of get sometimes shut out of conversations because then you're not relevant. Oh, oh, we can't tell you this because you won't relate. What the fuck is that about? Yeah, I might not have sucked a cock, but and I do know how the male species actually generate and how they go.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I don't that's one thing that's pissed me off. Like I've been in conversations, and when they have found out that I'm technically gay, I have actually been pushed out of conversations because of that. Because for some reason, I don't know if it's because you're a lesbian, they seem to think that you're in love with every single woman.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

And why is it always that fucking topic as well? Sorry, I'm gonna get wound up a bit. You're getting fucking animated today. When this actually happened to me, so one of the girls at work, we were generally talking very innocent chat, and Trent, oh, I've got a friend that's a lesbian. Do you know her? Sorry, yeah, because I know everyone, yeah. Because I fucked the whole of our fucking county. No, and then she even got her phone out and showed me a photo. Oh, you must know her. Oh, yeah, of course I do.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Like, we're all on the fucking L-word fucking diagram.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, everyone's got a spider web connection. Like, no hun, I did not know them, you know. Let them do them. Like, but everyone assumes because you are gay, you know, or sometimes even on the straight side, oh you must know this person. No, do I fuck? No, I do not, love. But now I find it in some places I think I could speak probably for you here. You've come home a few times and said, Oh, they're just chatting about football. In my element, that's me, mate. Like, talk on a Friday, oh yeah, Arsenal play. Yeah, I mean, that's me. Then you was like, I found myself like, oh, this is my time to clock off.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Yeah, like, do you want to hear my horror story? Oh, okay. So I was like navigating life, as you do, midlife crisis, 30 years old, and I had a very big career change. Yeah, you did, yeah. So I found comfort, and in in my last job, people used to say to me that there was a lot going on, like we had just met, you know, life was changing, we were moving, everything. And a friend who was gay actually recommended, oh, why don't you just go into like a smaller family business or something like that, kind of be valued and then not feel like you're, you know, segregated. Yeah. So I did. I went for an interview, small family run business. And I'm in the interview, and naturally, you know, we we've kind of finished the interview phase, and then they're talking about like, what do you do? Like, oh, what are you doing after this?

SPEAKER_01 5:25

General live chat, yeah, break the ice a bit more.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Exactly. And then they we spoke about obviously I was going to see you. Immediately they went, Oh, so what did your partner do? What does he do? And I went, Oh, for fuck's sake, here we go. So immediately I had to, and it was one of the first kind of conversations I've had to have since coming out. Yeah. To initially correct. Yeah, correct someone. That's it. Yeah. So I went, Oh, she works at blah blah blah blah blah. And their face just completely changed.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

I was so proud of you for doing that, actually, because I was when you said it, I thought, because in your last job, you hadn't actually No, I hid it very very well.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah. People's opinions in my last workplace were actually disgusting. Yeah, they were a bunch of assholes as well, weren't they? Really? So then fast forward, I guess the job basically within 10 minutes. So I thought, oh fuck me. You know, this is great. Like, I'm a valued fucking member of like the team, whatever. Find out about two months in that I only got the job because the actual business owner had his fair share of some flings. Being a naughty boy. Being a naughty boy. And bit of background. I got interviewed by him and his wife.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Because they were both business partners. So then I was speaking to the other lady in the office, because it was only us two in the office at that time, and she said, Oh, just so you know, yeah, you got the job because they they found out you were a lesbian.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

It blows my mind every time.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

And the funniest thing was, I said, Oh, right, okay. And then she told me, Oh, he came up after the interview. He was so excited and said, Oh, you just you basically blurted out that you were a lesbian.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Which, if you know Lauren, she is not gonna be opening up her life story. No, I'm a very fucking private person. Let alone go for fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Interview. Exactly. So it took me back because I thought, you're a piece of shit, because no, I didn't. Yeah. But also the fact because I was a lesbian, so his wife felt more comfortable with You got the green light. Yes, more comfortable that I was not gonna jump his bones, basically. And that was that really sticks with me till today, because I think if that's what sexuality in the workplace can do, yeah, like we're not going based on work performance or what you know or what or who you know nowadays. That was just below the belt for me.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

That that really shocked me because when you when it came out when he wasn't around, was he, either? So it was a space where he was probably shitting himself because he had told a long-standing member, you know, X about, and then obviously you two started getting close in the office chatting about normal stuff. And when you come and said it, I I was you know, when you hit think you hear enough about things in general and what goes on in life, yeah, to now, I was like, fuck me sideways.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

And you know what? It didn't actually help the fact of coming out, no, because it's kind of it did kind of put a negative association with it.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Like I'm going through this fucking journey, you know, it's been a fucking ride already, and then top that off, I was like, Well, that's not really fair, is it?

SPEAKER_01 8:56

No, because like you've said, you've not got the job based off how you've come across in the interview or relevant experience or what you could bring. Oh, because the wife's probably got a good hand to say, Oh, you ain't gonna fuck this one. No, exactly that, and that's where men are just pigs. Yeah, absolutely. I've got quite a few to be fair. You've had so many, like I say, until that point, you would never actually come out in in the workplace. So for me, when you when it first happened, I was like, This is great because you're growing more comfortable, you know, it was a new start. Like you said, for us, we'd moved, you know, and then this job was a lot closer to home, kind of hours were a bit better. Yeah, and I thought, oh, this, and it always seems too good to be true.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Always, yeah, and I get why people are so reserved, and I am a reserved person anyway. Yeah, and I swiftly left that job. Yeah, you did. I fucking did. I walked out and I uh do you know what? It was really empowering though.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Yeah, because I I remember you had called me and I was at work, and we talk all the time, yeah, all the time at work. Like anytime I get a bit of free time, I'll ring Laura and like and vice versa. But you tend to have a look quite a lot of free time now. And I always remember this day in great detail calling me. You wasn't upset, you was just very angry, and you said, Babe, can I walk out? And I went, You do what you need to do because it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

I just it's like I leaded like just clarification.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

The impression I was getting of you when you come when you was coming home was not you, and that whole time was was awful for the pair of us, I think for the home dynamic, because you was going there, you wasn't you was learning new stuff, don't get me wrong, in the beginning, and then it quickly turned a different way because he had made some comments to you in the car, and I was like, Well, hang on a fucking minute, this is a bit weird, and then I just said go, yeah, just leave.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

There was like um really I don't even know what the word is, there's a word for it derogatory, so fucking hell, that's a big word. Very bad comments made, and it made me feel shit, and like you said, the dynamic at home was it was just transpiring. So I did briskfully walk out of that job, and I was very proud of myself. Yeah, and then it brings me to my current job, which I'm very happy at. Yeah, you've got you've got some good eggs there, good eggs, but then there's that those slight comments, which this is more common in the workplace, where you know, oh god, can I like say that in front of you? Because like I don't want you to, you know, think I'm you know, saying it in the wrong way. And bearing in mind, my job now is very male dominant, yeah. So they, you know, men being men, they talk about women in all shapes and fucking forms. Objects, right? And don't get me wrong, I am a a lad's girl, is that how you say, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I can take Badner, like it doesn't fucking faze me. But when you're actively like you're saying something, and then you you physically look at me, it's almost like, oh, are you are you alright with that? Like you need validation. Like, fuck off.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Like how how many times am I gonna tell you, like, I don't get butthurt by it, but then also there's a time and a place. Like if I'm fucking sitting there, just you know, read the fucking room. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

And I I find that with so you've you now found yourself good, really. And you know, the guys know you, they have banter, they kind of know where your levels are. But I've been in the same job for like 12-13 years. It's a long fucking time, too long, fucking hell. Commitment, I'm definitely loyal, that's for sure. But I've seen it now, like where before, more so now, actually, people will go, oh, so like who's the mask without even meeting you? And I'm like, why is that even a question? No, like why isn't why are we talking about this at work? Oh, oh, do you like do you scissor then? Like, and I bro, fucking stuff. Like they are so fixated on like probably how women are in you know, girl-on-girl porn, which I'm gonna say gives me the ick.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Oh god, how do you think?

SPEAKER_01 13:23

How many times have we spoke about porn? That is a whole different fucking situation.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

No, and when we do watch porn, we actually do have to like scroll for fucking ages to find something a bit more relatable for fuck's sake.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Oh, it blows my mind every time. But it'd be interesting to see how again we're talking throughout our minds and our lives, yeah. But if anyone's had any struggles, like we would love to hear like how you've either overcome it or have you had to leave that job in the end, because there are some nasty people because everyone lives on this, you know, emphasis of like, oh yeah, we're a family, we're integral.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Do you know what? And I we watched a TikTok earlier that someone actually said that being gay is tolerated, not accepted. And I do think it's fucking true. I do. Now we're actually speaking about it. Do you know sometimes you watch something and you go, hmm? When we're actually divulging in this episode, it's made me realise it's very, very true. It really is. And I've got one more because this podcast is yes, it's it's lesbian kind of fuelled. Yeah. But we do love our gays, we love our queers, all shapes and forms. And my I'd say gay best work friend. Yeah. I can know that's a fucking mouthful. We had like heavy lifting at our old job. And this is put it in perspective. He took everything, like people fired jokes at him all the time, mainly because of his sexuality. He was gay, like there was no more gay than gay. He was fucking gay, right? I think he was more femme than me.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Loved him, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

And loved him to bits. And then we had heavy lifting in our job. And I remember the comment, and it sticks with me so vividly. And we had to like move some tables around, set up an event. And they went, Oh, don't send him because he can't lift anything. But don't worry, send me.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Oh, geez.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

And in that fucking one sentence, I was like, You can't.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Yeah, you absolutely can't.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

And I looked at him, and he's almost like he's got a filter, and he he was like, ha ha ha, you know, funny, you know, being you know, the only gay in the workplace, basically. But I didn't know where to put my fucking face. I felt so bad.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

I do think that gay men get it a lot worse than lesbians. I do. And I I think because men do not know when to stop. And I think when you hear about bullying or things that happen, yeah, I would love to see the actual statistic of I think it's fucking high. It's men. Yeah. Because they don't know the reasoning between banter and you're actually hurting someone's feelings now. Yeah. Because within my time at work, I've had plenty of gay men that have been in the workplace, and what a fucking delight they are to have on shift with because they have that don't care mentality, yeah. A good crack, it makes time go so quick. But they when I hear some of the stories, I think you've got some thick skin.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Exactly that. Like, I do I do feel sorry for them, and I I kind of in my straight days, I'd say, you kind of have those straight glasses on, don't you? Yeah. And to the to the eye, I would say that gay men probably more swaying to the femme side. I probably move more feminine than like a femme mask, I would say. Yeah. Because I I do have gay friends, and they are literally more feminine than me. So I get it, like I understand why they have that perception, but does it make it right? Absolutely fucking not.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

We're getting into the stage now, like in the 21st century, like just keep your opinions to yourself. If you've got nothing nice to say, then don't say it. If you don't agree with something, then keep that for your four walls at home. Yeah, you do not know need to relate and going into social media, you don't need to be making people uncomfortable. Because listen, people go, and this is my motto. This has always been my motto when it comes to work, right? Yeah, I don't live to work, I work to live.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

And if I am there, best believe that I need that fucking spondux. Like, exactly, I'm not there because I want to be there for a social element. Like, I'm there because I need to work and I need to get that money to have a life, which again, with the whole crisis and the inflation, I'm on not a lot at the end of the month. But why should your workplace make you where it should be a safe space because we always say you spend more time at work than what you do at home? I was literally just about to say that. To then have it a living nightmare for some people that you do hear people actually leave their jobs.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

And I want to say this because we have been on the TikTok algorithm is doing its bits, and we come across so many videos, and there was a content creator on TikTok, goes by the name of D, and she had a perception of just like the stereotype around women, lesbians, in the workplaces, they don't seem to do like high-end jobs.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Right? And I had to comment straight away because I thought that's a load of fucking bollocks. But when and then there's a few others that we know we've interacted with, and a lot of them the the comments that people are making at work. For you to have to come on online and go, Am I overreacting to said, you know, comments or whatever, and you have that gut feeling, please do something about it. Yeah. If you've got a HR team, like even just the first initial like email or something, utilise it, just make it known because that gut feeling and that intuition is normally not wrong.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

We've said this before. Work should not be based on what your sexual orientation is. It's again, like you've mentioned at the beginning of this, it's work ethic, it's actually a desire and being passionate about your job and you getting results. Let's be honest, that is literally the the life of how work is. They some of them are a bit more pressing on, you know, oh, we need results, we need to do this, because you know, some people do work on commission, which is fair enough. Yeah, but even now, so my boss is male, very out of touch with his emotional side, he has got no emotional empathy, he's got no filter to be fair. And that. Yeah. So when I've had conversations with him, periods, right? I'm a woman, we all have them. I don't know why I've got it, because you know, the kids are not happening. We've got three lovely kids, but if I mention the word period, he'll go, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Yeah, there's just there's no acceptance.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

But then fuck me. If if the guy, the you know, the heterosexual guy who is having trouble problems getting it up has a conversation with him, he'll probably give the whole fucking day to him. Do you do you get what I'm trying to say?

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Exactly, it's like double standards, yeah. No, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

And I I think it happens in more places and people sit and suffer in silence.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

But I would love a new career change if we can if we can just say that. So anyone that wants Raven Lesbian with a top knot and you know is great with customer service and can get you amazing reviews, then hit me up because I am the galley for you. You you basically are. Yeah, I'm a bit of wasted talent, I feel. She's beautiful as well.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Bubbies. Yeah, we're getting squishy. That's very nice. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Anyway, I do need a new job though, so you know.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

No, seriously, like on the save ourselves, please, save our souls. But no, I think this one for us, this topic, is gonna be not a one and done. This this is gonna continue. It's gonna continue, and please send in your stories. If you're at that stage where, like I said previously, you've got this gut intuition and you just need another fresh pair of eyes on it. Yeah, you may be you might be scared to go to like citizen advice that we have, like we're UK based. Yeah, you might be scared because you you are talking to a complete stranger, and I've talked to them, and they're fucking the most empathetic, non-emphetic twats known to matter. Yeah. So reach out to us, we can give you a you know, fresh set of eyes, but also we'd like to hear because we have got loads of fucking stories, so yeah, please let us know.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Well, guys, lesbians in the workplace, queers in the workplace, all the all the queers, the community in the workplace. We want to know, like Lauren said. So, on that note, enjoy your alarm in the morning. No god, get up and slay that bitch, walk in like you're on fucking roosed drag race, absolute slay. You got this, really. You got this, queens. Have a good one, guys.